My Child Is Melting Down in Public
Emotional Regulation- “I'm here. Let's find a quiet spot. [Move toward exit or a calmer area.]
- “You're not in trouble. Your brain is just overwhelmed right now.
- “To onlookers (if needed): 'We're okay. Thank you.' [Then refocus on your child.]
- “Once in a quieter space: 'Take your time. I'm right here with you.'
“You're embarrassing me.”
Adds shame on top of dysregulation. Now they're dealing with two crises instead of one.
“Stop it right now or we're leaving.”
They can't stop — it's not a choice. And framing it as punishment for being overwhelmed teaches them their feelings are bad.
“People are staring at you.”
Social pressure doesn't regulate a dysregulated brain. It makes it worse.
“This is why we can't go anywhere nice.”
Teaches the child they are a burden and creates anxiety about future outings.
Public meltdowns trigger two things simultaneously: your child's dysregulation AND your own social anxiety about being judged. The most important thing you can do is separate these. Your child needs the same co-regulation they'd get at home — calm presence, lower stimulation, no lectures. The audience doesn't matter. Moving to a quieter spot reduces sensory input (a common meltdown trigger in stores and restaurants) while showing your child that you prioritize their needs over appearances.
Later at home: 'That was tough at the store today. I know it wasn't fun for you. Was there something specific that felt too much? The noise? The lights? Being hungry?' This detective work helps identify triggers for next time.
Before outings, set expectations together: 'We're going to Target. It might be loud and bright. If it gets too much, our signal is [squeeze my hand twice] and we'll find a quiet spot.' Giving them an exit strategy reduces anxiety, which often prevents the meltdown entirely.
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