My Child Is Anxious About Going to School
School- “I can see school feels really hard right now. That's a real feeling and I believe you.
- “What's the part that worries you most? Let's talk about just that one thing.
- “You don't have to have a perfect day. You just have to get there. I'll handle the rest with you.
- “Let's make a plan for what you'll do if you start feeling worried at school. Who could you go to?
“There's nothing to be afraid of.”
Their brain IS afraid. Telling them the fear isn't real makes them feel broken for having it.
“Everyone has to go to school.”
True, but irrelevant. Knowing others do it doesn't make their anxiety smaller.
“You'll be fine once you get there.”
Sometimes true — but it dismisses the very real suffering happening right now, before they get there.
“What are you so worried about?”
Often they can't articulate it. The 'what' question implies they should know, adding frustration to anxiety.
School anxiety in ADHD children is often driven by a combination of factors: anticipation of failure (they've struggled before and expect to again), social unpredictability, sensory overload, and the sheer number of transitions a school day demands. Validating the feeling without trying to fix it immediately ('I believe you') breaks the cycle where the child feels they have to prove their anxiety is real. Then narrowing focus ('what's the one part?') makes the overwhelming manageable — ADHD brains shut down when facing a wall of worry but can handle one specific concern.
After school, ask about the specific worry you discussed: 'How did the thing we talked about go?' This shows you remembered and cared. If they say 'it was fine,' resist 'See? I told you!' — instead try 'I'm glad. That took courage.'
Morning stomachaches, headaches, and nausea before school are often real physical symptoms of anxiety — not faking. The stress response genuinely produces gut discomfort. Acknowledge the physical feeling while still gently maintaining the expectation: 'I know your stomach hurts. That happens when you're worried. Let's see how you feel after breakfast and getting dressed.'
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