My Child Refuses to Do Homework
School- “I can see homework feels really hard right now. Let's figure out what's making it tough.
- “You don't have to do it all at once. Let's just start with one problem and see how it goes.
- “What part feels the hardest? Let's tackle that first — or save it for last. Your choice.
- “I'm going to sit right here and do my own work while you do yours.
“Just sit down and do it.”
For an ADHD brain, 'just do it' is like telling someone with a broken leg to 'just walk.' The barrier is neurological, not motivational.
“You're going to fail if you don't do your homework.”
Fear-based motivation triggers the amygdala and shuts down the prefrontal cortex — the exact part of the brain they need for homework.
“It's not that hard.”
Minimizing their experience makes them feel broken. If it weren't hard for them, they'd be doing it.
“No screen time until homework is done.”
While boundaries matter, making screens a hostage creates a power struggle that overshadows the actual task.
Homework refusal in ADHD kids is almost never about laziness. It's about a brain that struggles with task initiation, sustained attention, and working memory — especially after a full school day of masking and compensating. By the time they get home, their executive function tank is empty. Body doubling (sitting nearby while you do your own work) and reducing the perceived size of the task ('just one problem') are evidence-based strategies that lower the activation energy needed to start.
After homework, acknowledge the effort, not the result: 'You stuck with it even when it was hard. That takes real strength.' This builds a growth mindset around persistence, which matters more than any single assignment.
Try the 'when-then' approach instead of 'if-then.' 'When you finish these 5 problems, then we'll take a 10-minute break together' feels like a plan, not a threat. The word 'when' assumes success. The word 'if' implies doubt.
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