My Child Is Having a Meltdown
Emotional Regulation- “I can see you're really frustrated right now.
- “I'm right here. We don't have to talk until you're ready.
- “You're safe. I'm not going anywhere.
- “It's okay to feel this way. Let's just breathe together.
“Stop crying.”
Invalidates their emotion and tells them their feelings are wrong, which escalates the meltdown.
“You're overreacting.”
Their brain is genuinely overwhelmed. This isn't a choice — it's a neurological response.
“If you don't calm down, then...”
Threats activate the fight-or-flight system further. You're adding fuel, not water.
“Use your words.”
During a meltdown, the language center of the brain is offline. They literally cannot access words right now.
During a meltdown, the amygdala has hijacked the prefrontal cortex. Your child literally cannot process logic, instructions, or consequences right now. Co-regulation — your calm, steady presence — helps their nervous system return to baseline faster than reasoning, bribing, or threatening. Think of yourself as a tuning fork: when you stay calm, their brain has something stable to sync with.
Once they're calm (wait at least 20 minutes — the brain needs time to fully reset), try: 'That was a big feeling. Want to talk about what happened?' This builds emotional vocabulary and teaches them that feelings are something you can name and discuss, not something to be ashamed of.
If you feel your own anger or frustration rising, it's okay to say: 'I need a minute too. I'll be right back.' Stepping away for 60 seconds to regulate yourself is not abandonment — it's modeling exactly the skill you want your child to learn.
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