My Child Is Having a Meltdown at Bedtime
Daily Routines- “Your body is tired even if your brain doesn't feel tired yet. Let's help your brain slow down.
- “We're going to do the same thing we do every night. Brush teeth, book, lights. You know the plan.
- “I'll stay with you for 5 minutes after lights out. You don't have to fall asleep — just rest.
- “What's one good thing that happened today? Let's end the day thinking about that.
“It's late. Just go to sleep.”
ADHD brains can't 'just' turn off. The frontal lobe struggles to quiet internal chatter and sensory input.
“If you don't go to bed right now...”
Threats create adrenaline. Adrenaline is the opposite of sleep.
“You're going to be exhausted tomorrow.”
Anxiety about tomorrow's tiredness makes it even harder to fall asleep. It's a trap.
“Why are you like this every night?”
They don't know why. And the question reinforces that something is wrong with them.
Bedtime is the hardest transition of the day for many ADHD children. Their brain's 'off switch' works differently — they struggle to shift from active mode to rest mode (this is called delayed sleep phase syndrome, common in ADHD). Predictability is your strongest tool: the same routine, in the same order, every night, creates a neurological cue that tells the brain 'sleep is coming.' Staying briefly after lights out provides the security that allows the anxious ADHD brain to release into sleep.
If bedtime struggles are chronic, track the pattern for a week: what time did they actually fall asleep? What happened in the hour before bed? You may discover a screen exposure window, a sugar spike, or a missing sensory need (some kids need weight — a heavy blanket — or white noise to settle).
The hour before bed should be a 'wind-down runway.' Screens off 60 minutes before bed (blue light suppresses melatonin). Dim the lights. Lower the energy. Some families use audiobooks or calm music as a bridge — it gives the ADHD brain something to track without the stimulation of a screen.
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